This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
