I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
