thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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