Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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