You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
