There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
