you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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