I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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