Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
