its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
