I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
