Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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