Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
