Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
