Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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