She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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