No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
