I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
