I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
