So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
