Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
