the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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