I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize