So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize