I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
