I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
