I'm lost and stupid without you.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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