if you like me you must not know who I am
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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