Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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