i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
