i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
