Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im holly from the hills drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
