This girl is more easily done than said...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
