Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
