HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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