I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
