In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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