How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
