maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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