I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
