Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
