he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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