is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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