I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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