Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
