seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
