Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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