You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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