Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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