i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
