Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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