God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
