i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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