Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
