I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I want to have your abortion
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
