Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
