They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
