At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
