If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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