I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
