I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
