Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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