WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
