also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
