I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
