I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
