Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
