Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
