omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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