Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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