Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
