Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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