the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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