I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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