Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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