I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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