Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
