He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
