so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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