we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
