dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
