whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sarcasm needs its own font
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
