Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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