Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
