Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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