he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize