remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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